I didn’t report last week as my little world crashed rather. I found out that my dad has lymphoma. He has been back to see a consultant and it now seems hopeful that he has a slow developing leukaemia. He is being sent for scans but all signs at the moment are that that it will be monitored rather than treated and that chemotherapy is quite a way off. On top of this, my own health reached crisis point. My blood results at the diabetic clinic last week were way off and my liver results were also causing concern. In short my doctor wants me to start on insulin. This is something that I’m sure seems like an irrational fear to some of you but I have dreaded it since my teens. It is not just the needles that worry me but the feeling that my life can never be spontaneous again and that I would have to have regimented meals and injections and carry all of the paraphernalia with me wherever I went. I begged for more time to see if I could lose the weight and balance my sugars that way. I can understand my doctors cynicism as my blood results have been too high for a long time. Nevertheless he is letting me try. He has upped my oral medication to the maximum of 3 different types of diabetic tablets plus many others. I am to return in a month with a series of fasting blood test readings for him. I am seeing the nurse for a weigh-in at the same time. So rather than being a gentle slow lifestyle change this has become very serious for me. As I have frozen shoulders on both sides I have limited arm movements and back pain. This means I cannot swim or do any weights or cardio/rowing machine activities but I CAN walk and that’s what I’ve been doing. Together with diet I bought myself a Fitbit. I will talk about it more I’m sure. It is a fancy pedometer linked to your PC/ipad/phone. Right now my dreams of being slim seem rather frivolous. I have been shopping for clothes this week. They are not pretty dresses but minging waterproof trousers and jackets. If this is going to work I have to keep walking with no excuse about the weather. I am doing my 10,000 steps or 5 miles a day minimum often in driving rain. I have not exercised or walked consistantly for a long time and it is hard. Doing this is taking a superhuman effort at a time when when I have never felt more vulnerable. So as you drive past that trudging figure in the wellies and waterproofs with a hat and hood drawn tight don’t laugh or create a tsunami by ploughing through the puddle to see her jump. That freak is me.
The Yellow Dress Project 
Sorry to hear both about your dad and your own troubles darling. I really hope that things take a better turn. Sending all love and hugs xx